Now and Then, Here and There

1998, I was in my junior year of high-school when everything started to unfold. Everything wasn’t going smoothly, the mere fact that I was entering my junior year which meant having 2 math subjects (algebra and trigonometry) was already enough to ruin my year! Fortunately for my story it was only the beginning…

I didn’t notice it then, but it was also a time when I was looking for a positive male role model to emulate. Sadly I was conceived into an estrogen dominated family who had bad taste in men which didn’t help my case. At the same time my mother who was then my pillar of support decided to regress. She got involved with a bunch of guys who were a sorry excuse for men, got into drugs, and basically ended up throwing away everything she had worked hard for…. her career, friends, and even her family.

You’d think this was the part were I went all rebellious and resentful, but no. As luck would have it I had my vices to keep me company and listen to all my baggage. I started drinking and smoking (cigarettes and weed) when I was in the 5th grade, so I learned how to do them in moderation and made it work to my advantage. Back then I wasn’t studious, artistic, nor sporty; this was the only thing I was actually good at.

Amidst all the drama of my junior year, the year ended with a silver lining. I met a girl who steered me to the path that I am now. We had a short-lived long distance romance, though painful it was a fruitful experience for me (no sexual connotation, though I wish I could’ve thrown that into the story.). She introduced me to computers which was back then only a means of prompt and affordable communication… Though when our romance ended so did my interest in computing.

I have this belief that: “life is like a wheel, sometimes you’re up, most of the time you’re down“. Assuming that the worst has passed, I regained my composure and optimism. Sadly when you think it can’t get any worse, the shit hits the ceiling fan…

From bad to worse, my mom’s addiction to methamphetamine (shabu/bato) escalated to the point of disowning me and blaming me for her lost youth. It really didn’t bother me that much after hearing that. It was the truth after all… What really got to me was when she went to my school and spread a malicious rumor of me being a drug user. The rumor spread like a bush fire. All the teachers in my year knew, most of my batch mates got a whiff of it, even the lower batches got wind of it (talk about a long grape vine). I lost most of my credibility and all of my so-called friends. It became awkward going to school receiving mixed stares of pity and disgust.

Long story short: I lost my social life as I knew it and rediscovered the magic of the internet, particularly Internet Relay Chat. From there I was able to make a new identity of sorts, make knew friends, and open new possibilities.

nacarma v2

One of my online acquaintances introduced me to the programming scene particularly web development (PHP, Flash). Being that I had so much pent up negative vibes I figured I’d blow it out on something productive. Eventually I grew a liking to it and started to make my own journal as a form of honing my programming skills and as a public service to my peers. I figured no one would want to hear other people’s baggage for free (unless you’re a masochist), so I started writing about my qualms with society, my rants towards life in general and other immature matters.

By the time I was 18, I was offered a job by the institution I was currently enrolled in. It was basically to train high-school and grade school teachers at a nearby school on Macromedia™ Flash 4 and JavaScript. My train of thought then was:

We basically study to get a diploma, so we can land on a job and earn money. I can skip the studying and getting a diploma part and go onto earning money!

So yes I got the job, unfortunately my train didn’t stop there. I dropped out of school and decided to work full time instead. Hence forth: my entrance to the school of real life.

mikemamaril v1

A decade has past since that time, and I am still a programmer and I am still fond of what I do. It not only served as a monetary endeavor for me but also common ground between I and my significant other. From the first journal I coded using free web hosting and text files, to entire networks of blogs and pop culture; online journals or weblogs as we know it today certainly have come a long way; and so has my journal.

my current journal

My previews journals were more of programming/designing experiments; and in a way was a receptacle for my negative vibes. This time around I feel that I have learned from my previous mistakes and opted to leave that negativity behind, hence my new WordPress journal was born.

To think that narcotics, heart break, and numerous impediments would eventually lead me to what I love doing (programming and designing). I find it a bit ironic but I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… hence the name of my current journal/site: Growing, one mistake at a time.

I’ve had poor eyesight since birth, and was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa a few years ago. I’ve only 1 good eye left with very limited vision, and I’ll most probably go blind unless they find a cure for Retinitis Pigmentosa sometime soon. Despite this I still plan to soldier on and keep on doing what I do and at the very least inspire people who have similar challenges in life.

To conclude, this is my design journey (in chronological order) since my life on the web began… which is still a work in progress

[Show as slideshow]

[View with PicLens]

Tagged as: life